Etiquette, Schemtiquette?

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Etiquette, Schemtiquette?

Yesterday on facebook I asked if anyone had any etiquette questions for me.  I received a great response.  Here are the answers.

Analese wanted to know: Should you send the wedding gift before or after the wedding?  Or do you bring it with you?  Great question Analese.  Gone are the days of getting married at church and having cake and punch in the courtyard.  With more and more couples having both destination and local destination weddings (weddings within driving distance of the couple’s hometown) it just makes sense to send the gift before or after.  Why travel with an expensive gift, only to have the couple lug it back?  Even if you do get married right down the street in your town, it is a lot to load up all of the presents and transport them home.  In my opinion, couples will appreciate the convenience of arriving home to all of their gifts.  All that being said, if you do bring a gift to the wedding, bring it to the reception, not the ceremony.  They will just have to then transport the gifts from the ceremony venue to the reception venue.  And for goodness sake, TAPE THE CARD ON WELL!  You would not believe how many people slip a card under a ribbon knowing that the gifts will have to travel a long distance.  I hope that answers your question Analese!

Nicky wanted to know:  Do you wear your engagement ring when walking down the aisle?  Well, yes and no.  It is absolutely acceptable to wear your engagement ring during the ceremony.  Although the wedding ring is worn ‘closest to the heart.’  So you would have to take off your engagement ring to let your husband place your wedding ring on your finger.  A great option is to wear your engagement ring on your right hand and then after the ceremony place it in it’s proper place on top of your wedding ring.  A lot of ring sets these days are bonded together, perhaps before the ceremony.  That is what I ended up doing.  I didn’t want to deal with having two separate rings that I might lose on the honeymoon, so a week before the wedding I had the two rings bonded together.  I then just didn’t wear my engagement ring that last week.  As a wedding planner, my rule is, ‘There are no rules!’  This is your wedding and you do whatever you want.  If you want to wear your ring, simply take it off and hand it to your maid of honor, or officiant before the ring ceremony.

And finally, a new bride of mine, Lindsay, pointed out that there are just too many rules when it comes to planning a wedding.  Even down to which mother gets to buy her dress first.  Well Lindsay, why do you think there are wedding planners?  😉  There is a ton to know and stay on top of.  Feelings get hurt at weddings ALL the time.  I’ve had bridesmaids in tears because of their placement in the lineup.  As for which mother gets to shop first, that is an easy one.  Tradition is that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding, so of course the mother of the bride would get to choose first what to wear to her party that she is hosting.  (I could also see this ‘rule’ being set back in the day when there was one store in town.)  😉  It reminds me of one of the funniest stories I’ve heard since I’ve been in the wedding business.  A woman was getting married, her parents were divorced and her father had remarried.  Coincidentally the bride’s mother and step-mother bought the same dress to wear to the wedding.  The bride tried to appeal to the step-mother to change her outfit, but she wouldn’t budge.  So what did the mother of the bride do? She wore the dress to the rehearsal dinner!  lol!!!

Emily Post has been and will probably remain the authority on all things etiquette.  She has an entire book written on the subject of wedding etiquette available here.

Thanks for the questions everyone, keep them coming, I’m always here for answers.  Don’t want to post your question on facebook?  Email me at:

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